When I was showing my game in the Offer Holder day (a day where students who will most likely start next year in our university, and we older students show what we’re doing), something embarrassing dawned on me: The game’s story, as it currently stands, doesn’t work very well.

Mostly, it’s just confusing. It has too many twists and characters and heavy subjects and elements for such a short amount of time that there is to tell this story.

In five memories, following happens:

1. Main character, Maria, is by the V&A, contemplating whether she should confess to her crush and best friend, Elaine. This is shown by her looking at a polaroid photo of a two of them, with Elaine lined with a heart. She then is visited by a crow. The crow invites her to a “party” that night, claiming that the RRS Discovery will leave at a little over six to go to the party across the river Tay.

1. Maria and Elaine meet by Slessor Gardens. Maria either confesses her love, or tells Elaine about the crow, but Elaine doesn’t buy either of these things. Instead, Elaine claims to be in love, head over heels, with a guy she’s met at McManus.

1. Maria and Elaine are by RRS, at the time that it leaves for a party. There are two other characters already on board of the RRS: Aurora and unnamed girl. Elaine, it turns out, was invited on the same party later that same day. They go on the ship.

1. Maria and Elaine meet around month later at the riverside. It turns out that they got inexplicable magical powers at the party. Maria is telling Elaine not to use these powers, as she and Aurora have gone over them. It also turns out there’s something fishy about Elaine’s boyfriend: Elaine seems tired, distracted, and nonchalant about the magical powers.

1. Despite her own warnings, Maria is by Magdalen Green, ready to use magic. She’s first on the call with Elaine, who’s situation has escalated. Maria, desperate to protect her friend, casts a spell to make Victor leave Elaine alone.

This was written in mind so that there would be three stories. Maria’s story would leave to Elaine’s boyfriend falling in love with someone else by the magic. Then, Elaine would use magic to get rid of that person, which would result in the other woman dying. Then, Elaine would tell this to Maria, who would tell it to Aurora, who would try to fix everything, and then, as a result, accidentally kill them all.

For this prototype, and overall, I want the story to work even if it only features Maria’s storyline.

There are many issues. First is, as I mentioned, there are too many things happening.

1. There’s a plotline of Maria has unrequited love for Elaine
2. Plotline of Elaine having emotionally abusive boyfriend